Faith

I will never forget losing what I thought was my unshakeable faith in God. It happened when my comfortable, warm life was destroyed by my mother's sudden death. Everything changed for me in one moment of time, the unthinkable had occurred, and all the sweet, simplistic words of religious cant were torn from me very easily because they had no roots in my soul. I became the kind of person I had most despised, an earthly creature with no thought of eternity. For years I wandered and I sought the answer in everything base, I ran headlong from the undeniable pain and suffering that Jesus had chosen for me. It was not until the person that I most trusted and loved betrayed me repeatedly and abandoned me, it was not until I repeated this terrible pattern of misplaced love and trust, it was not until I finally just stopped that I found Jesus. He was right there beside me. I was exhausted and exasperated, but He never said a word of blame or censure. Now, nobody could ever take this faith from me. It is who I am, it is my deepest self, the place I live. My entire life is spent looking toward eternity, and no one and nothing can compare to the reality of seeing Jesus one day, and feeling His eyes on me, all the Love pouring over me, and the sure knowledge of forever bliss.

The "Whys" of Life

I wonder about the "whys" of my life, as we all do. I wonder why I have all this love to give, but have no one to cherish. I always wanted to be a mother, but I am childless. I have prayed and searched for decades for a good man, not a rich one or a successful one, just a GOOD one, and I have finally realized that sometimes God says, "No" to our most heartfelt requests for His own wonderful reasons. Dear Lord Jesus, please give me the grace and strength to continue on my lonely path home to You. I may not be much, but I am all Yours.